My Thoughts on Frankfurt: “A city of broken dreams and harsh contrasts”
To me Frankfurt can be described as „being unhappily happy together“.
Frankfurt is like being in an unhappy relationship, a toxic relationship, an on and off, similar to the Stockholm Syndrome Phenomenon. A city for cold nihilistic, apathetic, sociopathic and delusional people, riding out their careless ego game as long as they can, constantly thinking very highly of themselves, the “one upping”, the gentle tiny squints of “microaggressions” you see in the corner of their eyes while conversing, shade being thrown, cold rationalists among primitive and attention-deficited people, a scent of avoidance that is gently spread across the city, just a handful of yearly innocent Erasmus students who thought this city was a great option, a city for those who love to look away, or make fun of what is redeemed as by society to be a “weakness”, an “abnormality”, making you feel like you should be ashamed of yourself, sending out waves of envy when they feel less than, people that are filled to the brim with ignorance and trauma. Even if you are a bright soul trying to be the light, a little part always rubs off. A city that seasonally evokes feelings of occasional sprinkles of laziness, fluctuating seasons of unstoppable drive as one would be under the influence of a columbian present, unbearable gray winters, apathy, indifferent falls of grace, with pinches of “fun games of playing pretend”, as most people will never move or see anything outside this city, or go back to what they once called “home”, avoiding growth by any measure and avoiding situations that could crush their ginormous ego, measuring their success solely through their income, by what they have, by what they wear, by what is redeemed as important by others, distracting themselves from their very own fate, responsibility and finally thinking that “chasing money” is enough self care and an honorable character trait. Permanency has never been this city's strongest trait, perhaps that's why there is a constant slight “unsettling” feeling.
“A constant race, the latent stress that makes my blood boil, my breathing that gets heavier out of nowhere, my teeth that clench, this feeling of tightness in my chest, sudden panics that make me scan my area and automatically make my head rapidly turn from left to right, right to left, a cycle of chase, sudden realizations of “what am I doing here, I shouldn't be here”, an inner race. I wanted answers, I wanted a reason, I didn't feel this way before and certainly not this frequently. There must have been some kind of a reason to why I feel this way, and to some it may sound all so “insufferable”, but to me this is more like an exploration of, and explanation to self, a gigantic release, and relief to double check if “I am not just really crazy”.
It takes courage to talk and to stand firm to ones opinion now a days, while maintaining an open mind, as the narratives of books and all forms of media are so uniform, specieistic and “anything differing from it”, is directly classified as unwanted and evil, as a “threat”, as something that could offend someone or be detrimental to someones income and reputation as “everything is perfect the way it is”, out of “political correctness”, when politics can´t teach morals but solely assist in enabling an environment for morals to find common ground without intervening, without eliminating need for communication, free speech, authentic diversity in taste and opinion, without stripping away the power of creatives and those willing to participate in adding and harmonizing their surroundings in their own way, or adding to their own life, making positive use of this world, when we are so “positive washed” and “doom-washed” in everything, allowing for easy adaptation of “nihilistic” thinking, that regards words and texts, while we refrain from everything classified as “gruesome, negative, bad, like diseases, morally wrong things”, when they are happening constantly in our environment we are too blind to see, when also there is a “reason”, denial cannot be the answer to the result of cause and effect, because we somehow think that “bad” or “unwanted” things are not “fixable”.
They all are, trust me, you just need to find reason and the roots of unwanted causes, acknowledging that everything changes, is ever changing and will and can change, keeping in mind that life cannot be without the negatives. We can just emulate feelings we once had, we will never take the same step we have once treaded, as a wise man once said “No man steps in the same river twice, for its not the same river and hes not the same man.”. Those willing to transmute can only transmute through change, realizing and being aware of their surroundings. As realizations can be irrationally painful or hurtful when our expectations are not met, or we feel like we would have acted differently in a “certain situation”.
In this premise of “growth” there is pain, similar to growth in nature, a sense of acknowledgment after the storm, and the wind promoting growth for plants, migrating ecosystems and bio currency, from the second we were born to the minute we pass, which is when we are released from this spectacle of life, this emotional roller coaster and this gigantic playground of limitless creativity were we can find ourselves getting trapped once in a blue moon similar to cats that get stuck on trees, when they have climbed to far, rowing too far into a lake, life just happens, and evidence is in front of us for those who just listen watch and observe.
“No”, it is not craziness when I know what factors cause it and is replicatable, pattern recognition proves very handy in cases like these, and are pure animalistic traits to be found amongst most other species living here with us, made from the same things we are made out of, whilst we are undeniably connected with this planet and all processes of change, meaning we undoubtedly all suffer together, we have the choice to either care or to not care, some are better in denial and avoidance than others.
Now listen, before you say “oh that was not my experience”, as they are secretly thinking “oh what if I am that person”, you have made it this far in this text already. This may not apply for individuals, who are not yet scarred by life and the effects of generational trauma, or simply are not as observant or as naturally curious, the nosy person I am, because I for one could not stop thinking, could not stop noticing, could not stop feeling, could not stop seeing beauty in life which surrounds me, being happy for the joyous moments and things happening around me constantly, the magic that surrounds me, even-though I admittingly fail to praise these events once in a while and love to keep these feelings to myself sometimes, as one needs to feel for “themselves”, and since learning by others that own emotions and feelings are sometimes not right or not understood by others, I don't really enjoy to share. I have learned to express truth, personal truth for clarity reasons, to be more direct, as little disharmonies throw me out of concept. Confrontation is not a constant fight in my opinion but it is an ode to honesty as in most cases you will see how a person handles and expresses either their comfort or discomfort establishing boundaries, it is simple. One can decide amongst these compromises if the ground seems fertile for further growth. Emotional Conflict is just a factor when one is not honest to themselves as we always have a choice to make, a choice as little as taking “5mins of your day” can be significant over some years time, realizing that we are powerful and capable and choosing of what, when, where and by who we get influenced by.
For the sensibility I was gifted with can be overwhelming when it is not explainable, which is frustrating when it is influenced or intercepted, it was “my sensibility” which people have seen as a deficit to work with, where I had been disregarded or there has been the need to prove my feelings and observations that come from a place of love wrong, “when I could have cared less about peoples judgment, their situations anyway, for it was me picking up on random information when people were not around and present, I was served by the universe, I love the art of “discovering” and “finding”, as all paths tell a story and every little insignificant thing tells a history, having lost many close people and friends around me to this “strange attribute of mine”, when they could not see it. Sourcing comes a big way. It is the way farmers themselves do it, but it is an amazing analogy for how farming is done in more ways than we think. Apart from that let me get into the character this city has.
This city would be excellent for poker players and I think there is a deeper underlying reason for people here, to suffer from gambling and other addictions. It is a Mecca for Sex Work, Drugs and Gambling, it always has been, inspired by the “Bahnhof” Culture, with a bitter aftertaste as most of its evolution has been and is involuntary, a question of consent, its been a measure to survive, as people have never seen an alternative with how love filled it could have been. The city is not very elevated in itself, has a bad reputation due to the primitive nature this place has to offer. Yes, this place may offer exceptions but it is only if you are wrapped up in a safety-net or a kind of protection bubble that usually profits small groups that are not in Frankfurt anyways and can afford to leave this place anytime. They are too ignorant, to busy and too delusional to invest their resources and energy in things that could transform this city into a beautiful one.
I recall times where my memories are filled with moments of me being incredibly frustrated because I was noticing so much, feeling so much, seeing so much, not knowing how to describe the disharmony that robbed me of the precious things life has to offer, usually making me feel at peace and taking the ability to notice how great the existence itself is and what a great experience it can be. Even in times of seeing a perceivably “unfair” world nothing feels better than forgiving and the act of forgiveness.
Because life is never a question of “fault” or a game of responsibility, or a constant battle of “am I good enough”, or “comparisons”, when its the environment that shaped you and made you “you”, and if something like the weather can already have an impact on your emotions and the way you feel why not stop looking at other factors and assess to why these feelings were present, as they can surely not exist for no reason, sparking my curiosity for where this disease of unhappiness and unwanted thoughts was coming from. With consciousness and awareness the blame game stops. No matter what good of a person you want to see yourself as, regardless of your “people pleasing”, “being fulfilled” can only be an egotistic thing which is in itself not inherently bad and is “a need” like anybody else's, while their definition might differ, as being stuck to a physical body offers physical restrictions, as you cannot eat for another person. However our mind and thoughts are detached of the physical themselves.
What fascinated me was how people dealt with their individual pain, as I have seen true authentic diversity amongst it. There is no creativity, evolving and growth without pain. Personally I have seen a lot of things happen in close friendship circles, how random life can be and how we can get sucked into situations when there was no “fault, that we can get knocked out for a little time, there are multiple reasons as life is not harmonious at times.
We also see this when looking at animal behavior for example in birds, that are trained to work to get their treat, when as a result of having to work for their reward meaning needing some kind of “pain” to overcome the given obstacle, pain could also mean physical endurance like flying up a perch, or opening a container with treats, having to use their brain automatically sparking creativity to resolve given issues at hand which have then proven to also bee the ones that were amongst the smartest, the same goes for humans. A negative example that can affect human psychology as well is the example of fleas being locked in a jar and stop jumping up, following their natural instincts, hitting the ceiling of the container, once they have been conditioned not to jump anymore, as it proved pointless to jump finding no exit, opening the lid had no effect in the behavior of the then conditioned fleas, which have meanwhile stopped jumping, showing that conditioning can mean that we give up our freedom even after the restriction has passed.
Pain and coming up with creativity is the “art of nature” in itself. As what was created and is in front of you is the result not only of positive change but also endless restructuring and fighting and striving for new types of freedom, unresolved wishes regrets and unprocessed emotions, abolishing the old, establishing the new. If you are brave enough to look at the generational damage and issues that have overcome you, your friends our and your family history, you may brake free from a lot of chains, that your heart may carry.
The one thing that separates a truly loving individual from the norm is attention, empathy, compassion and consciousness while actively creating more harmony or not interacting with the world around you and in you, in a way that effects your environment in a detrimental way, “treading lightly on the path of nature”.
This city kills your own will to live faster than a lot of other city's existing around, a little Europe's “Aokigaharan dream”. If you think this is exaggerated, I am truly sorry and I am not sorry, the depression and suicide rates in this city are extremely high, through the roof you could say.
Trust me, I didn't even include the drug deaths by overdose. I lived in a student dorm where people would “off” themselves at least once a year. Moving into my first Student dorm, that was one of the most welcoming events, after receiving salt and heavy-metal poisoning through my drinking water (keep in mind it was newly built) along with the event of being monitored and being under surveillance, experimented on, my data, thoughts, written up projects and ideas being abstracted and used in modern studies without giving me the proper credit, “almost AI like”, that I could remember.
Most people I know moved away after some time and regularly flee the city and consider it “normal” euphemising the weird state of this city by saying “its just a vacation”, “things are the way they are”, and correctly describe this place after a long time of reflection as lacking “perspective”, it feeling very “dry”, like gin and scotch. It is a mix of low paying and scarce Jobs, low quality food, no proper running businesses and gentrification. It is either luck, a loophole, generational wealth or external funding that keeps a place open and running, most can not survive here and true authentic Germans demand their old shitty legislative ways and are latently racist. Everyone seems to be minding their business while being judgy and standoffish. A sense of survival evokes the behavior of people being typically in packs, you need to belong to a group to not “drown” and to be perceived as strong. My guess would be that it is latent generational trauma from restrictive households, or even from the wood gatherer times, where groups were dependent on each others survival, also back then the only freedom was taking recorder lessons, singing lessons, or being in some kind of sports group. Which are deeply rooted in culture, keep in mind that a lot was done and influenced by the church back in the days. These groups are like bullies in high-school and profit by putting others and certain individuals down which differ to their views and opinions of their own or profit by it.
Looking at Germany right now, most company's consist of bought up ghost company's anyway, that need support and funding by the government or external sources. It is a cool hideout if you like consistency and have funding elsewhere and is for you just a side, or a dual residency.
It practically attracts corruption like no other place in my eyes, and is overrun by covert socialism. The only change is achieved if you have certain contacts to influential people who are in the old net, then the world is practically your oyster, getting permit after permit.
Presenting itself as all progressive and all digital and fast and ever changing, that is part of the facade this “fake” city has to offer.
It doesn't seem too democratic in my eyes, the little changes offered by the politics are symptom treatment and little plasters to hide the deep roots of all this caused pain and if you think I am giving the politics and measures taken here too little credit; “No”, looking away and leaving this place at any given opportunity doesn't seem to resolve the issues locally at hand which this city has been having for 30 years or so in the first place already. I do not know if most inhabitants of this area have a history of parental neglect because do not be surprised if you run into problems and issues, the ones responsible in this German bureaucratic bullshit are, additionally to the already short “opening times”, usually not available and constantly on holidays and plan in a few business days processing time.
Just like in my case when they couldn't fix the drinking water problems for over one and a half years, in a freshly newly built student dorm, which was politically funded by the way. Not only did our water have salt and heavy metals but also contain biocides, hence it was unlivable in these apartments and could result in heart failure, breathing problems, asthma attacks, seizures and be a potential high risk for diabetic people, as well as for people with high cholesterol which is greatly promoted and produced during stress especially amongst students.
The reason for this incident were the measures of saving money which has gladly affected our water treatment system for about 300 Students, ironic for a place that is researching “aquamarine culture, cytotoxic effects and the effects salt water has on humans”. Usually people will tell you to just live on with the struggles at hand and do not offer a helping hand. There is a difference with being negative or observing issues and things that don't work, wanting change willing to help and participate, turning frustrated when not finding any resonance, while on the other hand acting like these issues don't exist is just delusional.
It is a city filled with many tragedy's, those that tell you otherwise are delusional themselves or were sponsored by funds elsewhere or are covert Multi Generational Nazis, cultural protectionists or wealthy outsiders that have financial, political and legislative reasons to operate here, they are people that have generational wealth anyway, there is almost no in between.
The city in itself is also very radical, everyone here is a “secret activist” across all classes each in their own “individual” way. It is not openly that way but it is the mentality and measures taken by everyone's defensive character that results in these tight dynamics.
Ignorance is bliss in this city, although ignorance is an ongoing theme here, hence the unfriendly looks, stares, and unsocial lifestyle, you only fit in while practicing local rituals here which could be as simple as going to the same “spot all the time”, or wearing certain things that symbolize you are from a “certain” group which just have adapted and practically live out the meaning of “it is what it is”.
First off all, the tight mixture of impossible bureaucracy, lack of funding, economic measures, ignorance and all its depressing history and the fact that the inner city is just a facade totally contribute to these latent but potent effects on the psyche and has taken its toll on its society that has settled here.
To understand Frankfurt... one shall notice that half of the city is basically a ghost city, as it is filled primarily by commuters, people that work here during the day and leave, a few tourists, some wealthy migrants that travel the world part time, as most locals cant afford to live near the city anyway, are usually settled outside or in “Offenbach” and are just stopping by, a few Americans, a few Swiss bankers and usually the rest is filled up by poor immigrants that thought “Germany” is a great idea and got stuck here somehow and lacked the cultural knowledge to see that Germany as an Idea is bigger than just “Frankfurt”, as Frankfurt is internationally known and everyone thinks “woo Frankfurt an international city” when I see it as a hugely failed city, keep in mind I am not discrediting the individuals who were strenuous enough to make a successful living here, I am just saying it is harder to get happy in this city and may have difficulties finding love as this city may block energetic pools and get people in touch with their shadow.
Reality can differ from the stories we tell ourselves and the life we imagine to have here. The language used here is just “dirty” in itself, has lots of imports from the fragmented cultures, nationalities, realities, that stand out and have some kind of correlation to their own trauma, fight or flight response, often sounds like a threat, justifications and displays the common need to adapt, overcome and survive. Things here do not seem to mix well, and when they do it usually is a problem for someone.
That's why the “airport” is such a huge business here, as everyone is focused on “leaving”, it is one of the turning motors of the local economy along with “Frankfurt Messe” which is quite a big Expo for International Attention and to find a “Spotlight”, the “industrial fair” which is one of the primary ways to get “noticed” in this city, or economic journals, which is one of the only ways to sadly grow in this city. Think about that for a second. The city's history mainly had to do with trade, the building of trains and the airport. It is an excellent city for Logistics, Supply chain Management and Management in general. Living here and experiencing this city for years just made me feel incredibly restricted and had me question myself throughout and give up on many dreams. In my opinion Frankfurt should invest more and fund more company's to do with travel and food as “good food” and create an environment where people have a reason to stay here, to see future, to feel stability, to have more freedom of creations, more space, higher quality, meanwhile it is extremely expensive. Meanwhile, local transportation is expensive and failing. There are some phases where people would turn down going out,due to high prices for public transport, high prices of living, no worthy cultural menu, performances, and due to the low quality of life enjoyment in the city. Which is all an ongoing theme for this city.
The train system is functional but not practical, you can always expect delays, especially the “S-Bahn” Tunnels which has been under construction ever since I can remember. A nice analogy for this would be; if you go into “Konstablerwache or Hauptwache” I can guarantee you that you will find at least one or two escalators not working, and things being constantly under construction this whole spectacle being smelly, loud, dirty and noisy. Also while things are under construction it is usually just replacing the old faulty and already shitty systems in place due to the lack of funding and lack of creativity and freedom. All this is questionable when there is practically a monopoly of a privately founded public transportation firm and it bringing little no innovation over the years, yet sacking in a lot of money due to the created dependency of just needing to solely rely on this method of transportation for all inhabitants of the area.
It is a city where I would just voluntarily walk instead of choosing this sub-ideal method of getting around. It is also insane to think that you practically “have to pay” for a public transportation ticket while studying in the public unis here as it is not possible to pay your local tuition fee for each semester without the ticket making it expensive to study here.
https://www.fr.de/frankfurt/frankfurter-zahlen-meisten-11276267.html
(Keep in mind this was in 2013) already been a problem.
Additionally Many properties and buildings are not really in use, are old and brittle or due to some regulation many “properties” cant be used. It is expensive to build and IT Firms over the last years have skyrocketed the pricing for electricity, water, and housing. The other half of the most-inner city are old banks, which are “broke” by the way, and agencies or law firms, that evolved after the war and are or were funded by the political ties themselves, especially to the ones that won the war and are highly politically involved while having ties to other countries. Frankfurt used to be Hotspot for Surveillance and for Monitoring of Data. There have always been cases of industrial espionage and many spies have been around that have done their things throughout the years here.
This city is very poor and it has been for years, the charm the city had in the 80s and 90s is long gone after the turn of the century it could have been the perfect city for artists, freedom, inspiring thoughts, and used to be a lovely city to study at before the mentioned turn of the century. Perhaps in the 1800s it also had served its place well as a place for trade. Trade is deeply rooted into this city still. Things here are incredibly impersonal but still judgy starting from schools, they could have profited by the British judgment free schools system against discrimination. Essentially, a lot of people had to deal with “shit” they were given and making it gold.
Most of the people absolutely hate their jobs un-ironically and would have rather done something else.
Most drink, smoke or negatively and excessively medicate away their pain, in a way that it controls their life, or subconsciously flee their way out of living here, and compare their pain to the pain of others and that is usually the only measurement people carry living here, trying to fill a deep void and using their “superiority” complex as a coping mechanism.
This city is giving “grey cloud that follows you around everywhere”, a depressing shit-show, almost comedic in a nihilistic and sadistic way. Living here is a constant dissociation and distraction of things that can be actually fulfilling, heartwarming and actually nourishing the soul. I see it in the faces of people living here for more than 5 years. The droopiness of the skin, the clogged up arteries, the way people care for and dress themselves, the way people talk with emphasis on “being dangerous or not”, the unhealthy pigeons that appear diabetic aggressive and display the same necking behavior fighting for every unhealthy scrap that some inattentive donor drops on the street, essentially fighting for droppings and not seeing the reality of this shit-show. It is a city that induces the darkest sides of yourself, unleashes your shadow side and invokes deep sorrows.
Talk about the lovely city of „bankers“. Sad to think that this city runs Europe and is one of the key cities for many influential, across the sea political decisions. I hope this changes over the next 20 to 30 years.
Once a certain point is reached people are here shortly satisfied, after the many pointless struggles, bathing in the face that their ego is still thriving and seems flattering to the small circle that surrounds them, and can impress local people by spending their income in one of the many classless and soulless localities, which will then soon flip into regret and make themselves turn bitter after turning round about 35 to 40 years old, realizing there is a better way to live life and that there are other people more important, that you can live more “sociably” and with a sense of “security” while actually enjoying life and a „true sense of community“. When the best part of life your „youth“ is over here, reality comes crashing down as the wall of long carried ignorance do not longer serve you, making people extremely bitter in their midlife journey.
A mixture of the past, influences of the war still lingers here, being one of the main city's themes after gentrification, stagnating IT companys, the controlling nature of this city and having weird complexions with mathematics, stochastics biology chemistry and psychology. A city of avoidance.
Even in all this, I know that through this city I have found strength, gained purpose, and I now know what I don't want, which is to live in this city, and live my life elsewhere.
Good Luck.
Maybe More to come...